Friday, February 24, 2017

I've got some good news!

A week ago I moved out of the houseshare in Leeds and moved back to London.

I'm officially back!

To be honest, since mid-November last year I have been back and forth between London and Leeds and I have been spending more time in London.

I decided to spend more time in London in order to network, explore opportunities, intern and see my friends more. I always knew that I wanted to spend the last several weeks of the year in London regardless.

Plus, it was getting to the point where I was extremely unhappy in Leeds. I was treated appallingly in my job, I was treated poorly in the houseshare, and I just thought "I've had enough of this." I just felt uncomfortable, awkward, miserable and isolated. It's not nice to be stuck in a job and a home where you feel miserable, undervalued and unappreciated. I was trying to get my life on track after graduation, yet I was experiencing one issue after another. I felt as though I wasn't thriving or progressing, I was constantly being compared to others and I was made to feel as though I wasn't good enough. All of these things killed off my confidence and I started to feel extremely resentful. I was missing out on a lot in London because of a job that was bringing me down, and because of a houseshare where certain individuals (strangers by the way) were being toxic towards me. I don't want to live with people who are judgemental, and I don't want to live with people who seem to think it's okay to make assumptions, humiliate me and spread nasty rumours about me, especially when I've been nothing but nice and respectful towards them. Also, things reached a point where I have been made to feel awkward and unwanted in the houseshare.

I don't think any of it was worth it. I don't regret staying in Leeds after graduation and I don't regret trying (and securing) a job after graduation. In fact, I don't really regret anything and hand on heart I did try my best with my job and the people I lived with. I did absolutely nothing wrong - I'm just a kind and caring lady who is trying to get my life together and achieve my ambitions. I am not a bad person at all - I am a human being and I do wear my heart on my sleeve.

I just can't bring myself to tolerate other people's toxic behaviour anymore and I refuse to be a part of any of it.

The thing that makes all of this worse is this: even though I enjoyed my time at university, I met so many horrible people - flatmates, housemates, acquaintances and 'friends' - who were so toxic towards me. I am extremely fed up of living in homes where I am treated poorly. I've had it all my life and I am sick of it - I don't deserve to encounter vicious behaviour. It just feels as though I am stuck in a vicious cycle time and time again, and I want no part of it.

I just got to a point where I felt as though I could not live in Leeds anymore. Leeds is a wonderful city but I belong in London, and with all of the horrible memories I just felt as though it was time to go back. I just wanted to get away after all the bad stuff. I was always going to move back to London and after all the bad experiences I realised it was time to leave.

Since I moved back to London, I have felt much more at peace. I am much more satisfied. I can focus more on my friendships and surround myself with my friends who truly understand me, respect me and believe in me. I can attend more networking events and establish a client base. I can focus more on freelancing and being my own boss (more on that in another post further down the line.)

It's so good to be back. As soon as I left the house for the final time, I felt a huge sense of relief. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and it's so good to leave all the BS behind and keep my distance.

Now I'm here. I'm much more settled. It is time for me to go forth in my journey and establish myself properly.

I'll miss Leeds, but I'd rather be in London.

That's where I am meant to be.

It's my home.



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