Having trouble making friends?

Are you having trouble making friends?

Me too!

Don't worry, you are not the only one!

Making long-lasting, healthy, happy and sustainable friendships is something I have always struggled with, from the moment I started primary school to the moment I finished secondary school.  I've even had the same issue at university.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me, but I guess I'm just no good at making friends, and I don't have many friends in my life.  In fact, I can count the amount of friends I have on both hands.

Throughout my childhood and during my time at university, I would make a lot of effort to make friends, but I guess my efforts weren't good enough.  People would instantly take a dislike to me for no reason, even though I was (and still am) a nice person.  Also, I was extremely prone to attracting toxic friends, a cycle which I didn't break out of until last year.  A lot of people would become friends with me in order to hurt me and use me, so over the past year or so I've had to keep my distance and drift apart from the so-called 'friendships' that were causing me a lot of harm.  Also, I'm a non-conformist and an introvert, and a lot of people don't really accept those traits, because it's more acceptable to 'fit the mould' and to be outgoing, so for some people I don't have the 'right' characteristics that make the 'perfect' friend.

I used to think there was something seriously wrong with me, because I'd attract toxic people who'd pretend to be my friend, and because I wasn't the popular girl in school with tons and tons of friends.  I was so quick to label other people as friends (because I was so desperate for friends) and as a result I was hurt and let down in the process.  I had struggled to make friends, often spending my breaktimes and lunchtimes in primary school and secondary school feeling lonely because I was isolated and excluded from most friendship groups.  To make matters worse, whenever I would make a friend, others would set out to destroy that friendship, and if I fell out with a friend they would set out to turn everyone else against me.  Not only did I experience this at school, I also experienced this at university!

Over the past year or so my attitude has changed.

I've (sort of) given up on making friends, and I'm past the point of caring.  I am grateful and satisfied with the friends I have already because they are so good to me so I don't feel like I need any more.  I'm a big believer in quality over quantity: it's about how good your friends are to you, not how many you have!  Plus, I'm an introvert, so I can't have too many people around me.

I would never rule out the chance to meet new people and make new friends.  I'm open to new friendships, as long as they are good friendships with the potential to last long (I have no time for short-term, superficial friendships.)  However, I'm a lot more careful and cautious about who I let into my life these days, and I'd rather keep my guard up in order to protect myself from getting hurt, used and let down all over again.

I deserve happy, fulfilling, kind, long-lasting and respectful friendships.  I deserve friends who are lovely, respectful, appreciative, kind, trustworthy, loyal and positive.  If I can't have friends like that then I'd rather be on my own.


  1. What a lovely post, Cheech! It's very relatable and I like the fact that it gives the message to be open-minded but cautious (i.e. smart thinking).

  2. Lovely ending sis I struggle with people being fake and phony friends to me so I'm trying to cut them off like you've said "toxic friends post".