Why I Stopped Being Friends With You

Saturday, April 30, 2016


I'm not Gretchen Wieners, but I consider myself to be a very good friend.

In life, people come and go, and that includes friends.  Sometimes you outgrow your friends or you drift apart from your friends as a result of significant life changes (i.e. moving away, starting a new job, going to university, etc.)

I think it's just a normal part of life to gain and lose friends, but I believe that true friends always stick together, and I truly believe that if a friend wants to make an effort to maintain the friendship, they will find a way to do that no matter what (in a positive way.)

Anyway...

Over the years I've had 'friends' come and go in and out of my life.  They end up leaving because they are drifting apart, or because I have cut them off.  Here are the reasons why:

***************************************

You're toxic.
You're not a nice person.  You're rude and mean.  You're vile and horrible and you seem to take great pleasure in bringing negativity into my life and/or other people's lives, and I have no time for someone like that because dealing with that is emotionally (and physically) draining, so I'm not willing to make the effort.

You don't support me.
You don't congratulate my achievements, and/or you set out to tear down my goals and ambitions.

You're not interested.
You don't seem interested in myself or the friendship.  Whenever we meet up or stay in contact you act like you couldn't care less and you'd rather be somewhere else.  You don't ask how I'm doing, and you'd rather stare into space than communicate with me.)

You don't make an effort.
You don't stick to your side of the bargain.  You don't make the effort to stay in contact, ask how I'm doing or arrange meetups, and that's not fair because friendship is mutual - it's a two-way street.

You're ill-mannered.
You don't have any manners and you behave poorly in social situations.

You impose your views on me...
...and that's not okay at all. Agree to disagree! I am my own person with my own mind. Respect that!

You don't respect me.
You treat me like shit, and that's not cool.  Respect is a two-way street!

You don't respect my life choices, beliefs and values.
I believe in the motto "live and let live" so I can't have someone in my life who disrespects that.

You expect me to justify/explain myself.
True friends don't expect me to explain my life choices and personal values.  They understand that I am who I am and that's enough for them.

You're two-faced and fake.
I like people who are genuine, so I'm not interested in having 'friends' who happen to be the devils in disguise.

You're snobby.
You look down on people and that's not cool.

"The only time you should look down on someone, is when you are helping them up."

You're so intrusive.
You ask too many questions and you like to pry.  True friends understand the boundaries, so they know not to ask personal questions about my private life.

You care more about social media.
You can more about social media (interactions and followers) that communicating with me in real life.

You're always extremely late.
I understand that sometimes lateness happens and I totally get that, but turning up two-and-a-half hours late every time we meet up just shows that you are poorly organised and disrespectful of my time.

You always find a way to 'one-up' me and it's pathetic.
Nothing I'm doing seem to be good enough, you're always comparing myself to others as if to imply that I'm inferior.

I treat my friends equally, so I don't make comparisons. 

You're a bitch.
You're mean-spirited, catty, fake, superficial and two-faced.

You're selfish.
You only care about yourself.  You don't care about your friends at all.

You have an entitlement complex.
You think that the world revolves around you and you expect your friends to kiss your arse.

Bye Felicia!

You're domineering.
You love to dictate to others how they should or shouldn't be, or how they should or shouldn't live their lives.  You love to take over conversations.  You make everything about you.  You expect your friends to 'serve' you.  You're a little bit narcissistic.

I have no time for that.  I expect a friend to act like a friend, so I don't want a malevolent authoritarian fool for a friend.  Live and let live!

You don't communicate with me.
You don't bother to contact me or response to my attempts to contact you, and whenever we meet up you're not interested in having a conversation.

You act like the 'mother'/'father' of the group.
I want a friend for a friend, not a parent for a friend.

There's a difference.

You're a user.
You only have friends in order to use them for your personal and selfish gains, and you expect your friends to 'serve' you in some way.  You view friendship as an opportunity to be a user and to take advantage.  This is so pathetic and moronic, and the worst way to be a friend.  There's a difference between a friend and a servant.

You're ignorant and full of hate.
You're very bigoted and you make ignorant comments about race/gender/ethnicity/religion/class/disability/sexuality/etc.

I like people who are liberal, enlightened and accepting of others, not ignorant, close-minded idiots.

You betrayed me.
You turned against me and let me down massively.  You're not the friend I thought you were.

You talk way too much.
You're too much of a chatterbox.  You talk yourself into oblivion and you don't let anyone get a word in edgeways.  Plus, you don't listen!

You're ungrateful and unappreciative.
You don't appreciate me for who I am and the efforts I put into the friendship.

You judge me and make false assumptions about me.
True friends don't do this.  Ever.

True friends know who I am and what I'm all about.

You're manipulative.
You suffer from what I call "snake in the grass" syndrome.

I don't like snakes at all - the animal kind or the human kind.

People who manipulate others and mess with other people's minds are evil in my opinion.

You cross the boundaries.
I always think that even within friendships there are certain lines you should never cross, yet some people think that friendship is an excuse to do just that.

True friends respect my boundaries.

You're irresponsible.
You're reckless, you make poor decisions, you're not level-headed and you're not sensible.

You're forceful.
You try to make me do things I don't want to do.  That's not cool and that not what a true friend does.  No one should put pressure on anyone else like that, especially a person who's supposed to be a true friend.

You're not there for me when I need you.
If I'm going through a bad time, you're not there for me, you're not supportive and you're not understanding of my problems.

You try to control me.
I don't like authoritarian figures.

You're inappropriate.
Enough said.

Your jealous.
I don't like green-eyed monsters.

You're inconsiderate.
You don't care about my thoughts and feelings at all.

You're not understanding.
You dismiss my feelings.

You treat me poorly.
You treat me like shit.

You're a liar.
You make stuff up, and you're full of BS.

You set out to humiliate me...
...and bring me down.

You're sneaky, spiteful and shady.
You make snide remarks and nasty digs at me.

You give me dirty looks.
You look at me in a nasty way.  Totally uncalled for!

You ignore me.
You never listen to me and whenever I communicate with you or contact you you don't respond back.

You make me feel bad.
You make me feel worthless, like I've done something wrong when I haven't, and like I don't deserve to be treated with respect even though I'm a human being.

True friends don't do that.

You take my kindness for weakness.
Being a good friend to you does not give you the right to to advantage of me.

You're competitive.
You turn everything into a game, like everything's a competition!  You love to 'one-up' me (see my previous point about this) and you act as though you're 'better' than everyone else.

FYI, we may be in 'different leagues' in some way but true friends treat their friends like equals.

You have no awareness/self-awareness.
You don't seem to be aware of how your behaviour affects others, and you don't seem to realise that there are certain aspects of your character are extremely poor.

Even if you are self-aware, you make no effort to change your behaviour.

You find a reason to start an argument with me, for no reason.
You're always looking for any excuse to start on me.

FYI, I want a friendship, not a war.

You've disappeared off the radar for no good reason...
...and that's not cool.

We've grown apart.
Things have changed.  We've drifted apart.  I've/we've grown up.  We've both moved on with our lives.  We both lead different lives.

It's only natural.  Sometimes friendships run their course.  That's life, but like I said before, true friends stick together.

We have nothing in common.
We're so different, we see things differently and we don't click at all.

You've changed.
You're not the person you once were.

Either that, or you're not the person I thought you were. 

I've changed.
My expectations have changed.  My priorities have changed.  My life has changed, and somehow you don't fit in it anymore.

You're lazy and unambitious.
You spend your days doing nothing productive with your life (such as watching TV all day every day) and you have no desire to better yourself.

You treat me like a joke.
You make a mockery of me and that's embarrassing.

You're flaky.
You bail out on things last minute or you don't bother to turn up to things at all.  You make no effort to maintain contact or to see me, and you find any excuse to get out of things we've planned.  You don't respond to invites, you don't bother to RSVP despite being informed in advance, and that's rude.  You ignore my messages and any attempts to make contact, and that's disrespectful.

You don't really care about me...
...and you couldn't care less about me.  You don't value me as a human being at all.

You're not loyal to me.
You don't stand by me and you don't stick up for me, and that's wrong (even though I can fight my own battles.)

Loyalty is supposed to be a big part of friendship.  Loyalty is a two-way street!

However I'm only loyal to a certain degree.

You're clingy.
You're co-dependent.  You don't give me space.  You expect me to hang out with you 24/7 despite the fact that I have my own life.  It's a suffocating feeling!  It doesn't make me feel comfortable at all.

You harass me.
That is a violation of my space and it makes me very uncomfortable.  It's very upsetting.

You're aggressive.
You're a nasty piece of work.

You tried to change me.
I don't want to be moulded into something I'm not.

I just don't like you.
Enough said.

You're just not a true friend to me.
End of.

*****************************************************
Dear oh dear, I've had some awful friends in the past!

All in all, I have certain expectations for friendships and if they are not fulfilled then I have no issues putting an end to a friendship, especially if that person is a bad friend.

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4 comments

  1. Wow such a powerful post girly ! I love this ... It's sometimes sad to think how I've lost friends over the years .. But getting rid of people like this in your life is so important and definitely leaves you feeling happier!
    Saira
    www.throughtheglitterglass.wordpress.com
    Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree...and I feel the same way. I find it hard to make friends so when I do I put a lot of effort into friendships, yet I've been hurt and let down and that's disappointing! But I'd rather have a small group of fantastic friends, instead of a huge group of toxic friends. :)

      Delete
  2. I am totally the same - I am a really lovely loyal friend and I stupidly expect the same high standard back! :)

    ReplyDelete

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